Re-Ruptured

Second ruptured ovarian cyst in two months. Good news: knew what it was this time around, didn't think I was dying. Bad news: we were in Madison County visiting Poncho's fam at the time and I hadn't brought any of my uber-painkillers. Lemme tell ya, Advil doesn't cut it. I was hunched over unable to walk up right for most of the night. It threw me way out of whack mentally and emotionally, too.

Freaked me out to feel that weak and incapacitated. I mean, I'm still weak and recovering from all my other ailments and sicknesses. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday morning to see how many more of them there are. Thursday I have some breathing tests to determine whether or not I need to take some sort of preventative treatment for my asthma/allergy issues. I have some sort of follow-up appointment with my nurse practitioner about my blood-work next week on Wednesday. And to top it all off, I have my LEEP procedure scheduled for October 8th.

I hate my body. Damn thing breaks down and gives up on me after a measly 24 years of crappy service. There is nothing more frustrating than feeling useless and powerless and weak when you're used to being the opposite of that. I haven't been up for anything lately. Not housework, or cooking real meals, or make-up or anything. I feel so tired and used up. I hate this. Even this journal entry is exhausting to pump out. You know things are bad when you don't have the energy to play video games... I can't even bring myself to play WoW most days.

I just feel so broken.

New Layout

Thought I'd spruce up the old blog with a bit of new personality. It fits my idea of 'me' better now, I think. Green, alive, healthy, grown-up - not in the 'I'm-so-old' sense, but in the mature sense. Flourishing. Like the trees in the background. Sure, autumn comes around and knocks me on my ass for a few months every year, but I'm right back to blossoming and nurturing and self-growth in the spring.

I'm feeling much better, by the way. Went to the doctor on Wednesday, got medicine and spent a few days in bed. Poncho was a care-taker babykins and I couldn't have gotten along without him. Love you, dearest.

My friend Hannah's wedding is this weekend. I wish I could be there with all my heart. I wish her and her husband-to-be all the best in the world. I look to you as a shining example of love in these often-dark times. Go team.

Well, dear-heart just got back from work and it's high time I got ready for bed. I think I've spent enough time gallivanting around on the interwebs for tonight.

Ta.