Mostly Poems: "my eyes become the moon"

Mostly Poems: my eyes become the moon

my eyes become the moon

Oh I remember this one:

Hanging from the barstool

That waits just inside the door;

I remember the positioning:

                Precarious,

                And scintillating.

Leather-clad,

And dangling

Like that space between your legs…

So appetizing,

                (Is that my mouth watering…?)

You’re not even trying,
But I'm stumbling,
Over words and off-topic.

And I remember

Something funny,

Happening on …facebook

But I can’t

…for the life of me

Seem to find myself to care.

And I remember

Listening

To the sounds of someone breathing

Threatening

To whisper-wheeze

And loving-squeeze

As lips brush wet and succulent,

You bring me to my (breathless) knees.

And I remember

Mimicking

The way that every muscle danced

The way we each would writhe and sing

And rise across the bed…

All glowing white,

Inside my (throbbing) head.

And Winter comes with passing dreams

Awakened eccentricities

To lap and lick my dripping mind…

It’s fogging up the mirrors.

And ashtrays are a Fire Hazard

Igniting stubs of Electric Ashes

Burning Every (where) It touched,

(It’s) consuming me again.

The colder it becomes outside,

The hotter this apartment grows:

                As soon as I am Home Inside,

                                It’s off with all my clothes.

And I remember this one:

Slipping Into

Something a bit more

…Comfortable.

Hang my purse from back the barstool

Waiting just inside the door;

And I remember the hilarity:

                Of facebook innuendos,

                And how tit-illating telling them,

That Black Leather

Was my Imperative.

That it was…

Dangling -

- No,

 hanging on

To the backs of doors by knobs,

Or Chairs

With backs that supported straps

…

“Every night. --

                                                                -- I do this (withmypurse) every night.”

‘Cause there’s that space between the words,

That hitches with your sighs.

And with Winter comes the fear,

                That it’s a dream.

And I remember

Panicking

The way that every Heart’s beat danced,

The Way you make It sing;

You bring me to my knees.

And kissing you ’s a (Fire) Hazard

Igniting burned out crevices,

Of hollowed, jaded, dried-up

Deserts.

Electric Ashes,

                                My Heart becomes:

Burning everywhere You touched;

Consume(Mating) Me Again.

And I remember

Something clever,

But I can’t

…for the life of me

Seem to find myself to care.

Nothing exists beyond your Lips,

My fingers twist inside your curling hair;

                                                Drawn up into Loving Arms

And Breathing,

Breathe a sigh.

In shaking, silent laughter

Dancing

The Air

Grows warm and fills me…

--

And my eyes be(come) the moon.

 

“my eyes become the moon”

a poem by Meghan Johnson

written November 29^th, 2012

 

Nothing Else to Say - A Poem

And for once, I have nothing to say
Here with you
In this moment
I have nothing to add
Or interject
Into the air

If we were in a movie
My face would show my thoughts
In a close-up shot
Pan left, to the sunrise
And then out into the open air
Following a car ride
Through the sunshine
And then show my thoughts
As they fall like swirling petals
In my mind
Collecting in a pool
Of memories

And there would be a flashback
To the first moment
And that first impression
To that first look you gave me
Like you were seeing things behind my eyes
A look
Too serious to ignore

And moving forward
Showing me your smile
First
The one that barely touched your lips
Sardonic
And moving forward
I see your eyes crinkle at the edges
And it makes me smile, too

And for once, I have nothing to say
Here with you
In this moment
I have nothing to add
Or interject
Into the still night air

If you could see my thoughts right now
You'd know
How much I love you

But for now,
I have nothing to say
Out loud

Just let me show you
How it feels right now

And if we were in a comic book
My speech bubble would contain
An ellipses...
My panel filled with
Thigh-highs and high heels
An action so dramatic
It would require italics
And underlines

And you would see me across the room
Laughing
And I would see you
Against the wall
Like an island

And flash forward to the blue drinks
And beer runs
And cigarettes
And see it run its course
In a series of snapshots

And flash forward to a future view
Me and you
What we're gonna do
Moving out to California
And the sunshine
And the night time
And the time with you I need it to
Unwind
And rewind
Take it back to that first kiss
The one that caught me off guard
And I said "well, hey,"
'Cause I had nothing else to say
There was nothing else to say

Here with you
In this moment
I have nothing else to add
Or interject
Into the still night air

And if you could see my thoughts right now
You'd know
How much I love you
What I would do for you
That I'm always thinking of you

So for now,
I have nothing else to say
Out loud

Just let me show you
How it feels right now
To know you
How it feels right now
To hold you
In my arms
As the sun comes up

I love you

And I have nothing else to say
Right now
'Cause there's nothing left to say

©2012 ~strawberry-goodness

Snellville Tornadoes - A Poem

The rains came like a metaphor
Pounding on the tin roof of this covered porch
Blowing in sideways, through screen doors
Soaking through pant-legs in swirling mists

And twirling hair in fingertips,
I smoke cigarettes like conversation-starters
Throwing smiles like darts
Haphazard
With careless precision

Drinking beer with my boys
My personal harem
While I turn heads with turn-key tactics

And I don't know how to shoot a combo
But I make the most of dumb-luck and take it home
Laughing it off
Like a clever joke
And I never even knew the punch-line

And we stay up for hours
Because you love to make me laugh

And the rains came like a carnivore
A hungry thing
And I try to play it cool
Pounding on the tin roof
Like my pulse isn't jumping in my throat
Blowing in sideways, through screen doors
Like byways
And I bide my time, twirling hair like spinning out
These nonchalant conversation-starters
Throwing jibes and low-blows
Like I'm not flirting through my teeth at you

And the rains came like a symphony
Cacophony
Pounding on the tin roof of this covered porch
Blowing in sideways, through screen doors
Soaking through pant-legs in swirling mists
Double-fisted
Like I really need
Another beer

And twirling hair in fingertips,
I smoke cigarettes like conversation-starters
Throwing smiles like darts
Haphazard
With careless precision

But you like to make me smile
And I am happy to oblige

And the rains came
Leaving purple flowers on my parked car
Like some antiquated valentine

And the sun came
Like some forgotten friend

And you rubbed my back and gave
Me
A gentle squeeze
When the thunder made me jump
When the lightning flashed
Illuminating the nightscape
The ghosts of trees
In darkness

The rains came like a metaphor
Pounding on the tin roof of this covered porch
Blowing in sideways, through screen doors
Soaking through pant-legs in swirling mists

And twirling hair in fingertips,
I smoke cigarettes I can't afford
Like nothing happened
Because nothing did

Just you and me
Like always

A crazy storm
Two crazy kids
And then the sun came
My forgotten friend

Throwing smiles
With careless precision

©2012 ~strawberry-goodness

Companion - A Poem

With eyes like mine, you kiss me
Carefully
Like Uncertainty taints your lips
Like you can taste It on my fingertips
When I touch you
When I caress you with fingertips that fly
Like eager butterflies

And I suppose it would be silly
To liken your skin to silk
Or flower petals
So I'll keep that bit to myself
Holding back that last inch
Of who I am
--To save that last piece of myself
My sanity
Wrapped in tin foil
Like leftovers
I'll save it for later

And I feel bad when I come on too strong
Pushing you back with Chapstick-kisses
To rock on your heels
When I kiss you, with too much force
Overzealous and impatient
And we laugh at how we fidget
Synchronicity shines through
Those eyes like mine

And I like it
What we are, when you are Here
Holding back enough to relish it
Like distance makes a difference
And you smell so good, I cannot help myself
Nibbling along your jawline
--Down, down across the throat and up
--Playing along your ear lobes, Sighing
Sighing along your skin and your breath catches
Makes me giggle with the rush of power
Like wind

And you kiss me
With eyes like mine
You kiss me carefully
Like Uncertainty taints my lips
Like you can taste It in my mouth
As out tongues flit like nervous gestures
Darting, kind of like a warning
Of things to come

And I suppose it would be silly
To liken your lips to something edible
To say something girly about the length of your lashes
As they rest upon your cheek
When you sleep
So I'll keep that bit to myself
Holding back that last inch
Of who I am
Of how I think
--To save that for myself
My poetry
Wrapped in enigma
Like mystery
I'll save it for later
...A rainy day

And I feel bad when I blush at you
Urging you forward with Chapstick-kisses
When I should probably stop
But I like it
What we are, when you are Here
Whatever we are, I hold it dear

My friend, my lover
My newest Companion
With eyes like mine...
Let's fly

©2012 ~strawberry-goodness

New Year's Resolution

I have decided that I want to emulate Anita Blake for the New Year. I will sign up for self defense classes, hit the gym, and learn how to shoot. I'm pretty excited about this decision. I hope it leads to self efficacy and badassery. And cute supernatural boyfriends. That would be pretty cool as well.

I See You - A Poem

I know you notice

I see you stare

I feel your presence

I know you're there

I wish you knew

I hope you care

What goes on beneath this coiffed up hair

The thinking starts

And hope departs

But comes again

When you walk in

So sad but true

That when I'm blue

A smile from you...

I'm long past due.

Adoring, true

But more, it's you

It's you

So sad, but true

I need your rapture

I want that pain

That heartache I get when I think your name

I wish for strength

I wish in vain

That awkward space behind the reins

I feel it tug

I feel in vain

I long for something

To start again

That voice talking

Say my name

And I know you notice

I see you stare

And I feel your presence

I know you're there

I just wish you knew

And I hope you care

What goes on inside this outerwear

The shaking starts

And strength departs

But comes again

When you walk in

So sad but true

It's you, it's you

And when I'm down

And you come around...

I feel brand new

So sad but true

What's more, it's true

It's you, it's you

So sad, but true

It's you

So I want to say it

Right out loud

I want to say it

And say it proud

But I know it's stupid

And I know this crowd

Won't play that game,

But all the same

I want to say it

Right out loud

I long for something

Soft like rain

I long for something

To start again

I long for kisses

And tender pain

The kind that blesses

The kind that stains

I long for something

That's so much more,

Than you'd ever give me

Than what's in store

But I feel your presence

And I love your name

And I smile whenever I see you again

And my stomach flutters

With anxious stutters

Whenever you speak

And remember my name

I'm enroped,

Entangled

In this silly lovegame

I see you seeing me

Blushing now, looking down

I know you know it

Hiding now, I'm hiding now

But you could see through it

If you wanted to

I want you to

Want you too

That part of me

That part of me

That wants you, see?

Wants you to be

With me...

So badly

I wish you knew

So I could stop pretending

Not to care

Stop charades and meet you there

Halfway

Between your house and mine

Halfway

Before the sun shines

What goes on inside this freckled mind

I'm not fine

I'm not fine

I stare,

I stare

And wish you were there

Wish you were there

For me to stare

'Cause I know you notice

Me, over here

And I feel your presence

When you're over there

And I wonder, too

What it's like for you

What goes on beneath that beauty, rare

What goes on beyond that lovely stare

And do you miss me

Whenever I'm not there?

'Cause I know you notice

I see you stare

I feel your presence

I know you're there

I wish you knew

I hope you care

But I know for sure,

That there's nothing there.

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Tiers of Tears - A Poem

These are not tears over rejection
The many layers of affection
Or the lost connection

These are tears of embarrassing,
Mumbling
Never-mind-me
Didn't say anything...
Tears hot like blushing
Burning
Crush-ing

These are tears of a lifetime
Of being outcast,
outranked and outclassed

These are tears of knowing
I'm not up to the task

And I wish I could play it cool
Because you're right,
And I'm such an overzealous fool

But it's too late now

And these tears can't be undone
Or rewound
But I'm undone
And unwound
Like a spool of tangled thread
Falling apart to a new rhythm
Of choking sobs and bitterness

And I should have known
I should have known

But these are not tears of rejection
Abandon

These are tears of shame
Tears of knowing,
I'll never be able to play that game

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Six Degrees - A Poem

I'm twelve steps away
From a full recovery

And you,
You may be
The sixth degree
Of separation that I need
To get me halfway

The other half to this battle is
Not knowing
Where we're going
But right now, I know
This much is true:
You, you may be
The sixth degree

And me,
I might just be a two
On a scale of one to six
And I can't wait
For two plus two
I leap ahead and ask for
Your seven digits

'Cause you
You may be the sixth degree
The other half of twelve
Illogically

And me,
I might just be a six
'Cause on a scale of one to awesome
You're pretty much it

And you,
You may be
The sixth degree
Of separation that I need

The clarification
Simplification
Of where I want to be

The other half to this battle is not knowing
Where I'm going
But right now, I know this much is true:
That me, I'm free
And you, you may be
The sixth degree

And me,
I might just be a two
On a scale of one to six
'Cause nine to five doesn't even cover it

I'm lovin' it

And I'm all about these twenty questions,
If you're into it

I'm into it

And right now is how
It ought to be
Just you and me
And the sixth degree

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Dirty Laundry - A Poem

I woke up in bondage with the sunrise

The violent reds and cold grays

Throwing shadows on my borrowed bedroom's wall

Because I don't belong here, and I don't belong to you

I'm just passing through


I woke up in bondage with the sunshine

Twisted sheets, my heart skips a beat

And I'm torn from the dream I was living

The best way to my heart is through my tearducts

Because you leave me wondering:

how could I have been better?

how could I have changed things,

So that I could have kept you

in my arms?

Or at least kept me

in your mind

Am I so easily forgotten?

Tossed aside like these crumpled bedsheets

Thrown away like dirty laundry on Sunday


Because it was Sunday

When you left me, this last time

And I should be over you by now

But I keep waking up in bondage

Tied at hands and feet with caring

Curses

My heart betrays me when I wake

To sunshine and heartache


And I'm torn today

The thought of you makes my chest hurt

Eyes squeezed shut against the memories

But these lashes aren't waterproof

And the emotions slip out to slide down

My freckled cheeks


I hate you for affecting me this way

I hate you for being fine,

When I'm so obviously not okay

I hate you on days like today


When I wake up in bondage

Tied to the memories with eyes leaking

But the rain won't wash the pain away

And one look into my eyes shows that

This muddy decay


I woke up in bondage with the sunrise

The violent reds and cold grays

Throwing shadows on my borrowed bedroom's wall

Because I don't belong here, and I don't belong to you

I'm just passing through


I woke up in bondage with the sunshine

Twisted sheets, my heart skips a beat

And I'm torn from the dream I was living

The best way to my heart is through my tearducts

Because you leave me wondering:

how could I have been better?

how could I have changed things,

so that I could have kept you?

in my arms

Or at least kept me

in your mind

Am I so easy?

So easily forgotten?

Tossed aside so quickly

like these crumpled bedsheets

Thrown away so quietly


like dirty laundry

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Equality is Not Sameness

“Put any woman in an area run mostly by men and rumors will fly. Unless you make it very clear that you are off limits, there is also a certain competitiveness that sets in. Some men are either trying to run you out of town or get into your pants. They don't seem to know any other way to deal with a woman. If you're not a sexual object, you're a threat.” -- Laurell K. Hamilton

-----------------------------------

As a female, I encounter this sort of bigotry daily. A few examples: my dress code for work requires make-up, hosiery and high heels for all females. No exceptions. That seems a bit ridiculous to me. If I want to wear flat, comfortable shoes for my 6 hour shift, and no make-up, I think I should be entitled.

Not to mention that I was hired for the position on my "beautiful smile" alone and not any sort of viable credentials. As a woman, you are an object first, and a person second. I appreciate being found attactive, I do. But I have a mind and a heart that goes along with the physical body I possess, and that often gets forgotten by the wayside.

I think what I would like to see happen is this: everyone, without exception is equal. Sameness does not necessitate equality. Women and men should be able to dress however they want: skirts, blouses, make-up, polished nails, suits, bras, thongs, boxers, whatever. It should be a free for all. If you have a uniform, it should that: uniform. No differentiation between men and women. I don't think we should do away with all the make-up and traditionally "girly" stuff. We just shouldn't be legally authorized to require it, or expect it from our women like it's an inherent part of who they are. People should be individuals. Multi-faceted and varied. There are too many ways to shove beautiful unique people into a tiny box of social expectations. And that's limiting. If a woman wants to dress in thigh-high lace stocking and 6 inch spike heels with a feather boa thrown on over a vinyl bustier, more power to her. If a man wants to do the same, more power to him. If either sex wants to wear the corporate America "power suit", that should be their prerogative. All I'm saying is that we should be free to be who we want to be. We shouldn't be expected or required to be something else, based on gender norms. However, if we eliminate options, we are inducing sameness, not equality. Hence, the choice should always be there.

The other thing I would like to mention is the idea behind the Slut Walk concept. If a woman is sexual, on purpose or not - she deserves the same respect as if she was not. If I wear a short skirt and a push up bra, that is not a waiver of my human rights. It's just an outfit. I deserve the same respect regardless of my physique and style of dress. That holds true for everyone else, too. I hate seeing people treated a certain way because of tattoos, speaking style, race, social economic background, regional identity, or anything else.

People are different and that's beautiful! We are a melting pot, people. Let's revel in that, not be afraid of it or try to assimilate it.

Diversity is, after all, the spice of life.

---------------------------------------

"People say I'm a feminist, but in truth, I am an equalist. I believe that everyone, male and female, should be free to be whom and what they are. Not fit into some tight cultural box. The idea that men should be okay with sexual contact, because they like it, and women don't like it, so they should be protected from it... is unfair and untrue." -- Laurell K. Hamilton

The Wild Hunt

I began reading Swallowing Darkness by Laurell K. Hamilton this morning, since I finished A Lick of Frost last night before falling asleep.

In this series, Hamilton delves into a lot of fairy-tale lore; she talks about the idea of faerie being both a place and a people, as well as all different kinds of mythical history and how it ties in with the series' characters. Of these many splendid topics, I find myself most intrigued by the idea of The Wild Hunt. As horrifying as it is, I find it genuinely intriguing. The idea in the Hamilton series is that when the Hunt is headed by the Huntsman and has been given a purpose, or a Target (read: "victim"), that it delivers a sort of vengeful, unstoppable justice. And that is a concept with some weight to it.

Just think: you give your solemn oath to avenge some terrible wrong and - with enough power and forethought - you have the ability to do just that.

Hell. Yes.

Why am I thinking about revenge so early in the day? Well, my friends, it's been a hard time here recently. I am feeling mighty scorned and mighty angry with the powers that be. There's only so many times you can duck your head and cast your eyes downward under the weight of rebuff before you start to resent the rebuker.

In other words, this dog has been kicked too many damn times to resist the urge to bite off the hand that feeds it.

Not to worry, it's all just angry poetry looking for a way out onto the page. So many feelings to use as paints upon the canvas. I wonder what sort of picture they will paint when the emotional well has run dry at last. If it ever truly runs dry. I'm thinking more of geyser than a well at this point. Nothing as clockwork and predictable as Old Faithful, but something along the lines of a watery Mount Saint Helen. Attached to my tear ducts.

Anyway. Enough waxing poetical.

I'm on the hunt myself. Not the wild hunt, though wild it can be - the job hunt. And it has been brutal. Not necessarily brutal due to the potential employers, but because of my father.

I love my father dearly, I do. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to live here with him and my dear Stepmother in their beautiful home. But sometimes, like today, I just can't stand the way he fusses at me.

Ah, c'est la vie.

In about fifteen minutes, I shall brave the horrors of Atlanta rush hour traffic. My destination: Athens. Not the one in Greece. The one about two hours away, that holds my brother and - for this weekend - my mama. I really can't wait to see them. It's always good to be around those who love you unconditionally. Especially when one is feeling so down on oneself.

Sigh.

Okay, folks. I'm going to jet. Smoke a cigarette before climbing into my car and facing the evils of Atlantians behind the wheel. Wish me luck.

Next Time - A Poem

I feel the need to open up (a vein)

And bleed my emotions and

Thoughts across this page

There's so much to say

And I don't have words

To say it in

State again

How much you miss me

And love me

Reassure me that

This fatal attraction

Is non-threatening

I had lunch with a friend

Today

And there was so much to say

And not enough time to say it in

So I

Breathe deep and reel it all in

There's always next time

But next time,

There might not be time

To say so much

And I don't have words

To say it all

State it all

How you miss me

And love me

Reassure me that

This fatal attraction

Is non-threatening

I have an interview to do

Today

And there will be so much to say

And not enough time to say it in

Not enough space to feel in

And I fill in

These bubbles of black ink

That let you know just how honest

I am

Am I so easy

To sum up?

That multiple choice can make this choice

For you

To employ me?

Me? With the outspoken voice

And the need to express every though I commit

Like a guilty conscience riding on my left shoulder

Telling me over and over

To be honest and brave

But there's no time to say

All the myriad of things

I want to say

Need to

To stay

Sane

So I

Breathe deep and reel it all in

There's always next time

But next time,

There might not be such a time

All we have is the present

To spit such a rhyme

And combine

These letters and sound into something

Sublime

Until next time

But next time,

There might not be time

To say so much

And I don't have words

To say it all

Pray it all

Out loud, quiet and still bound

To reassure me

That this fatal attraction

Is life-threatening

And the voice that I hear

It says so much

But

It doesn't have words to bear

To say it all

To say anything at all

Instead

It shows it all

To me in thoughts and visions

And loves me

And assures me

That

This coming attraction

Is not threatening anything

But the me that could be

I am the change I wish to see

And I am the person

I am gonna be

My life is up to me

And my heart belongs right there

On my sleeve

So next time,

There might not be time

To say too much

But I'll find the words

To say as much

Explain it all

How you make me fall

In love

And your presence

How it is a gift

To have you near

In the present

How

It is a gift

To be cherished

And you can assure me that

This attraction is ticking

A time bomb

Tricky and tickling

And that's why we're giggling

Because next time,

There will be time

To say much

And words and actions

Will be all

And I'll give my all

To make sure you miss me

And love me

And reassure me that

This attraction

Is not

Threatening...anything.

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Mistaken: A Poem

Pinpricks

Submit to knee-jerk reactions

Contractions

like side-kicks

That sit in side-cars

You're the Batman to my Robin


so Submit

For the sake of rhythm

I stem off

Branch off

I'm Unforgiven

So punish me

Punish Me!

Or I'll repeat the crime

And never learn to look both ways


I mistook your charms and zeal

For a safe passage-way


These pinpricks

Awaken me

To these surprising surroundings

That itch and sting

Something fierce and threatening

But I can't touch them

For fear I will contaminate

The wounds

I can't scratch the swelling and the

Tears are welling

But my unclean hands,

These nail-bitten

Pale mitten

Fingertips

Are Dirty

They drip with the residue of your memory

They're stained by the kisses that you gave me

And I mistook

You mouth on mine for something else

A Sanctuary


But pinpricks

Bring me back

To the present

The here and now

And I can hear it now

Hear it

How(?) You sounded

You were so quiet

But seemed so loud

in the darkness

you were everything

Your breath on me

Your hands pull free

My legs from jeans

Peeling off clothing

So we could be

(((Closer)))

I want you

closer...

And I mistook

Your sweet proximity

for something else...

Something else...


And for that,

I apologize.

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Dearest D

D,

Are you ignoring me? If so, why? I know I'm being direct but I need to know. It's driving me crazy, like there's a rubik's cube lodged in my brain.

I knew all along that we wouldn't end up together. I knew that going in, and I sure as hell knew it coming out. I still know that. Don't think for even a second that you need to remind me by being so distant and aloof.

Is that why you left for Florida early? Because it doesn't have to be like this. I am capable of healthy boundaries and I would like to be friends. I don't feel like we're friends right now. I feel like you're afraid of me, that you're running away and that there are walls up. It's weird to feel so shut-out from you when we were so close just a few short weeks ago. Just talk to me. I miss you. I want to know what you're filling up your days with and how you feel and what you think about. Just talk to me.

I don't need much, just that.

Do you want me to leave you alone? I can and will. I just want to talk about it first.

I guess I'm just getting a lot of mixed messages and I just would like a little bit of clarification.

There are days and days of silence, and then you'll say something here and there that seems flippant, if that's makes sense. You seem to pick and choose which communiques you respond to when you write back. So are you just busy, or are you confused about how you feel and how to interact with me - which would be preferable, of course since that's how I feel toward you and I would be most capable of sympathizing with that scenario. Or is it something else?

I care about you, Dana. I want to know how much I can show that warmth to you. How close can I be to you?

I don't want to be confused anymore.

~M

Brown

Do you ever feel like you could best describe the way you feel at any given moment as a color? I tend to color-code my life, but I also tend to be a bit eccentric - which is why I ask if anyone else does this, instead of assuming that yes, of course you all do. Because that would just be silly. Besides, you know what they say about assumptions...

Anyway.

I feel brown today.

Brown like my hair is brown, which is to say that I am a brunette. Dark rich brown, almost black. Black-brown, I think it's called. Like my Cherokee ancestors before me. I have the Cherokee cheekbones to go with it. When I was little, my cousin Livvie would say that it was "Pocahontas" hair. Or "Cher" hair. I, of course, preferred Pocahontas to Cher. Both then and now.

I feel brown. Brown like my eyes are brown. But not like my father's are brown. His are dark, like espresso. Mine are a mix of his chocolate eyes and my mother's green ones. Green like jade.

I feel brown like the paint on the walls in this house. "Wheat," they call it. I think it looks like "light-brown," but nobody asked me.

Brown.

My great grandmother died today. Her last name was Brown. We called her Grandma Helen, my brother and I. We are going to her funeral this weekend.

It's not really how I saw myself spending my Labor Day weekend. But nobody asked me.

I heard once that people wait to die. They wait until they can see their loved ones one last time. They wait until after Christmas. A lot of people die after Christmas.

Grandma Helen didn't wait. I wonder if that means she had nothing to wait for? I wonder if she couldn't wait because she was in too much pain? I wonder if she didn't wait because she knew no one would come. I didn't come. No one did. She died alone.

I feel bad.

I feel brown.

Brown like dirty. Brown like wet, muddy earth that stains your clothes and smells like rotting leaves.

Brown.

The Waterfall's Magic - A Poem

Watching boys jump off cliffs
Hitting water with a sound like breaking glass
Egging them on like I have no fear
But I do
I'm afraid of heights
And in ways,
I'm afraid of you

Safe beyond the realm of the splash zone
Out of reach and out of touch
I'm saying things to him that I won't remember
But I do
Remember thinking them about you

Watching green light filter down
Through tree leaves and over things
Like a liquid haze
A fog descends
A love spell for when this world ends

And the world is dappled green and gold
Like my eyes are in the sunshine
And I try my best to show their colors
In the nighttime
Freckles fade and so do dreams
But magic stayed

And I feel real today
But like a mermaid
Perched and flouncing
Highlights in the forest shade
Daydreams of themes long overplayed

But I feel real today

And the world is dappled green and gold
And slightly gray
The rain comes but we all stay
Huddled up under towels like child's play
Next we'll build a fort and skip away
To play tag like it was yesterday

And I'm watching boys jump off cliffs
Auspicious
Aloof
And oh so very coy
But boy
How delicious
It is to see you smile

And I feel real today

But the green and golden world
Is turning all gray
And I'm afraid the waterfall of memories
That come as cascades
Will dissipate
I anticipate
It
Will go away

But I'm egging you on like I have no fear
But I do
I'm afraid of heights
And in ways,
I'm afraid of you

Afraid of what to do without two

So I take a jump off the waterfall
To come to

Cold water washes all the magic away
But then again,
I guess that's what makes it magic anyway
The fact that it doesn't stay

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness