Tangled - A Poem

Tangled up in you, in all that blue
And I think my thoughts are jumbled
'Cause I giggled when we stumbled
And I feel like my feelings are too true
'Cause I told you when I was into you

And now I don't want to be
Any other way
But tango in that tangle
I want to wriggle, writhe and wrangle
Giggle
Listen to the sounds with eyes closed
And I would purr if I could
So I should
And I would what I should
If I could with you
If you would

And we're tangled
And I'm strangled with need
Burning
Yearning
Learning the lines of your face
(Again)
And my fingertips tingle
'Cause your touch, it lingers
And mingles with these heated
Memories

And it's so easy to get caught up
And I think I'm too easy
'Cause it's more natural
Than my ragged breathing
And the softness
Sensations
Send tempests
Through my veins

And it's like a puzzle we were missing
Pieces to
Pieces like me and you
And now it's raining down
And now we're untangling, rearranging
And I swear I'm managing

I don't like surprises
Or rainstorms
But I'm managing
Navigation
Exploration
Forgotten topographies
Rewritten biographies
Hindsight is 20/20

And I don't want it
Any other way
I want to wriggle and to wrangle
Listen to the sounds
Like raindrops
And waterfalls
With eyes closed
Mouth gasping
Working
Biting
Licking
Writhing

And I don't want it
Any other way
I want to snuggle and tango
To sigh and to mangle
These bedsheets are tangled
And I should what I could
If you would what you want
'Cause I want to

Be tangled with you

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

The First Night - A Poem

I thought it was Friday night
T.G.I. Eff it like Katy Perry
But it was the night after,
Like the calendar says, so --
The morning started slow,
Guys and Dolls like Clara-Beara
It was the time of day that makes you
Nap,
Remap
The Uncharted
Blood sugar levels low,
Like dem jeans,
Let's get retarded
And I'm medicated, down and out
Three times a day, but four has started
And the party's just gettin' started,
I'm sick of gettin' carded
But I'm a little too late,
Too little to go, so fuck it

And I thought it was Friday night
The night you showed up
And the videogames are now a blur
Arcades and Barcades and barricades and castle-walls
Are crashing down
And the pitter-patter of little-big feet down the hall
Like rain on my Honda's windshield at night
With head-lights on,
And the laughter is now a blur, all smiles and dimples
Shining eyes, passing lanes, dotted lines, boundaries and timelines
Too drunk to drive but I swear I'm just right
For tonight

I thought it was Friday night
Partying it up like Pink
So raise your glass, fellow rockstars
And shake your ass like it's your right, sirs
And let's forget to dance to the night away
Forget to remember anything and just be
Anyway
We'll let it happen like a slow burn
My heart's an ember like a slow burn
And our love was like an engine's purr
With some false starts
So help me fan the flames with disco and cigarette butts
Collect the kisses in the hallway
Slip-n-slide, back and forth
The kind of kisses that linger and melt away
Like sugar in the coffee of the morning after


And I thought it was Friday night
And the music beat down to my soul
Through my toes and the soles of my feet
Feel the beat
And it made me wriggle 'till I fell apart
I just want to know how to hold my heart
So raise your face to mine and don't let go
Too soon
And let's live in the present since that's all we have
To go on
Go on for so long
And let's remember what we both forgot
Since the history is still in the making
And I know we're both sorry we never asked

But I thought it was Friday night
And I don't mind being wrong
I loved every minute of it
Forgetting and memorizing
The days of the week and how to breathe
And how to make my legs shake
Earthquakes
Sweating all over
And I swear I thought it was over
We were over
Relapse
Release
Let go and pull it all in
Like letting rain fall on my upturned face
Pitter-patter like my pounding heart
And my heartbeats
Are in time now
With the music of the stars
Like a metronome
To this soundtrack of heartstrings and sweet nothings
That mean everything
To me

And now I know it was Saturday
And I don't mind looking back
Writing down everything I can remember
Because I loved every minute of it
Every mile of the journey
And I don't want to forget the past
Our past
But I do want to escape the present
'Cause I swear that I thought it was over
We were over
But I don't mind being wrong
I just hope against hope that you feel the same
Turn these pages with my shaking hand
While I avert my hazel eyes
Afraid
Of forgetting to be jaded
Wading in
Up to the waist
Even though the water's freezing
The water's fine
And I'll always remember that it was Saturday night
And the way it felt
And the way we were
Just don't go chasing waterfalls
Stick to the rivers and the lakes that I'm used to
Like Saturday night
feeling so right
feeling so much
feeling all night
Just remember, I'll be alright
Holding on to the memory of that night.

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

What Do U(U) Believe?

This is a pretty simplistic breakdown for many of my friends who are considering Unitarian-Universalism; or those who I think might fit comfortably here; or for those who are just curious. What I love is that you bring your past; your history; your memories; your dreams; and become part of something larger. Christians, Jews, Buddhists, humanists, and those who have a theology harder to label, break bread in this church. No creed is higher than communion.

My church isn't offering you salvation, spiritual or otherwise. My church is not going to give you the answers. What we can do, however, is help you find the tools to save and free yourself as much as you can. That's the miracle of Unitarian-Universalism.

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We, the member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, covenant to affirm and promote:

-The inherent worth and dignity of every person

-Justice, equity, and compassion in human relations

-Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations

-A free and responsible search for truth and meaning

-The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large

-The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all

-Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

The living tradition we share draws from many sources:

-Direct experience of that transcending mystery and wonder, affirmed in all cultures, which moves us to a renewal of the spirit and an openness to the forces which create and uphold life

-Words and deeds of prophetic women and men which challenge us to confront powers and structures of evil with justice, compassion, and the transforming power of love

-Wisdom from the world's religions which inspires us in our ethical and spiritual life

-Jewish and Christian teachings which call us to respond to God's love by loving our neighbors as ourselves

-Humanist teachings which counsel us to heed the guidance of reason and the results of science, and warn us against idolatries of the mind and spirit.

-Spiritual teachings of Earth-centered traditions which celebrate the sacred circle of life and instruct us to live in harmony with the rhythms of nature.

Grateful for the religious pluralism which enriches and ennobles our faith, we are inspired to deepen our understanding and expand our vision. As free congregations we enter into this covenant, promising to one another our mutual trust and respect.

The Unitarian Universalist Association shall devote its resources to and exercise its corporate powers for religious, educational, and humanitarian purposes. The primary purpose of the Association is to serve the needs of its member congregations, organize new congregations, extend and strengthen Unitarian Universalist institutions and implement its principles.

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WE BELIEVE in the freedom of religious expression. All individuals should be encouraged to develop their own personal theologies, and to present openly their religious opinions without fear of censure or reprisal.

WE BELIEVE in the toleration of religious ideas. All religions, in every age and culture, possess not only intrinsic merit, but also potential value for those who have learned the art of listening.

WE BELIEVE in the authority of reason and conscience. The ultimate arbiter in religion is not a church, nor a document, nor an official, but the personal choice and decision of the individual.

WE BELIEVE in the never-ending search for Truth. If the mind and heart are truly free and open, the revelations that appear to the human spirit are infinitely numerous, eternally fruitful, and wondrously exciting.

WE BELIEVE in the unity of experience. There is no fundamental conflict between faith and knowledge, religion and the world, the sacred and the secular, since they all have their source in the same reality.WE BELIEVE in the worth and dignity of each human being. All people on earth have an equal claim to life, liberty, and justice-and no idea, ideal, or philosophy is superior to a single human life.

WE BELIEVE in the ethical application of religion. Good works are the natural product of a good faith, the evidence of an inner grace that finds completion in social and community involvement.

WE BELIEVE in the motive force of love. The governing principle in human relationships is the principle of love, which always seeks the welfare of others and never seeks to hurt or destroy.WE BELIEVE in the necessity of the democratic process. Records are open to scrutiny, elections are open to members, and ideas are open to criticism-so that people might govern themselves.

WE BELIEVE in the importance of a religious community. The validation of experience requires the confirmation of peers, who provide a critical platform along with a network of mutual support.

For BJ - A Poem

I wish I could describe

The wary smile

wavy hair

The curiosity,

you stare

I wish I could describe

The kindness

In those blind eyes

Framed,

bespectacled

I'm certain I could

If I had the words

the meter

And some kick ass rhymes

But just being me

I work with what I have

I have:

a good feeling

and I have some face-time

Should I take this time

To mention facebook?

Because I'm glad to find

You in my friend requests

And it makes me smile

When I see a new "poke"

from you

I'd like to take this time

To tell you all

How talented and kind

This kid is

I'd like to find the rhyme

To make it worth his while

For stopping by

I'd like to pantomime

But can't

So I'll just take this time

To say

"Thank you"

For stopping by

I hope I've done some justice

To such a special guy

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Dresser - A Poem

Dress her up in sheets of linen
Or yards of silk
And moan

Paint her face in blacks and reds
Or purple greens
Condone

Pierce her lobes with shards
Or strands
Of crystal glass
Or bone

Watch the way they twinkle
Stare
Those dancing gem-like
Stones

As through her longish straightish hair
Those beaded tributes glare

That raven brown
And ravenous black
That seems to curl its own
And back
That seems too stark against that white
That white gleams naked in moonlight

Wrapped up in sheets of linen

And all the while dress her up
Dresser, chest or night - stand up
In cleanish new attire, up

All so she can see the girl
Who safely lives inside
Reside in all the eyes
Of all the passive passerby

So dress her up in skirts of plaid
Or jeans or corduroy

Paint her face in neutral tones
Or shimmer golds
Instead

Hang from her ears
Those crystal tears
Cried from an angel's head

All the while just to see
What someone once had said

All the while just to be
What someone once would bed

All the while
Girl will cry
And listen to her head

That raven brown
And ravenous black
That seems to curl its own
And back
That seems too stark against that white
That white gleams naked in moonlight

Twisted up in sheets of linen

And so it seems we deem this dream
Impossible
Or so it seems

Instead of dress let us digress
And quickly fix this with duress

Perhaps less is more
In keeping score

Of all her beauty hidden
Sacred strange and bidden

And so we'll dress her
Dress her down
Dresser, chest or nightstand clown

In birthday suit

Adore

So she can see the girl in me
Who safely lives inside
Reside in these two sets of eyes
Behind the mirror

Mine

So to sum up it quickly seems
I've nothing left to hide
The girl within is now without
No matter what I've tried

No matter what I've painted, pierced or worn
Within a day
It seems to be I'm always me
No matter what's portrayed

So dress me up in sheets of linen
Or yards of silk
Or none

Paint my face in blacks and reds
Or goldish undertones

Pierce her lobes
Or not at all
This lesson's almost done

And watch the way I twinkle
Sparkle
Gem-like and alone

Through longish hair
These hazels stare
At Hazel's mirrored pair

And she can see
As I can be
The girl who lives inside

Despite the changes
Or rearrangements

Of anything
We do to our outside

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

ESC

Employment Security Commission. Yep. Unemployed. Lost my job on May 13th. Yeah, that's right -- FRIDAY THE FRIKKIN' 13TH. I think they planned it that way.

I'll be uploading some old stuff I've written over the next while. I found it during one of my house-cleaning fits. I've been having alot of those recently, as I have little else to do but clean and organize and re-organize.

The thing is, I don't have dates for a lot of these, but I know that this one is from sometime last year. I was working at CPU2, still going to the callcenter and back because I wasn't an At-Home Agent yet when this was written... so sometime between June and October.

Here goes.

"I did the dishes for ya, hon
I'm sorry I ain't got the strength
to do no more.

It's hard to scrub the floors
when you feel like crawling
across them
instead of pushing a broom.

And I'm sorry I forgot to clean
the room we share each night,
But it's hard to make the bed
I can't get out of."

I ran across this in some old notebook and thought it described what I was feeling up until a few weeks ago. Depression is a horrid thing. At least before I always had my voice, though. I could write, draw, explain what it was like. That helped. This time, it was suffocating. I was mute with pain.

I'm glad to re-emerge. To escape.

ESC

Some things to think about

I started the day by reading Lolita. Made it a quarter of the way through the book before breakfast. Thank you, Guy Gunn. Once I got past the pedophilia and approached it from a somewhat neutral stance, I found that it's actually a beautiful work of literature. I love the feel of the book, if not the content. I am intrigued, even if it is morbid subject matter. I love being able to peer into his mind. I tell you this to put you in tune with my headspace today.

In an eerie turn of events, I just finished reading the Kiki Kannibal article in Rolling Stone. There is alot there that I'd like to touch on, but one of the things that really got to me was the statutory rape. And I... really have no adequate words for that. But I feel incited and I must attempt to speak out. Please bear with me here.

Firstly -- Kiki, as a part of the hive-mind that is Internet, I am sorry. No one deserves to be treated that way. You are beautiful and unique and special and I respect and honor you. Sending healing thoughts. <3

I was tormented when I dressed differently, although nowhere nearly as badly. I was bullied in school, on the streets on Asheville by passerby, and by fellow Wal-mart shoppers for my clothing choices. I never had to deal with hate mail or threats or death, and I was still frazzled. I can't believe what you've been through.

I guess part of what saved me was a lack of internet exposure in high school. I didn't even join Facebook until I was in college. By then, I was legal and I guess the internet mobs take more pride in tormenting the underage crowd.

I just feel so grateful for the beauty and grace I find during times like this. As something of faith, I am thankful for the principles we live by in Unitarian Universalism. Respect and dignity. Inherent respect and dignity. That one has really been with me all day.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that in times like these it is so crucial to have an icon like Gaga supporting individuality, sexuality, sensuality, safety, self-efficacy and flying the freak flag high and proud.

Women have long fought injustices based on sex and gender. There are all sorts of issues to contend with after breaching that subject - illegal or indecent toplessness, rape trials based on the provocative clothing of the victim, etc. In my opinion, we should be safe to walk around naked in the street without rebuke or assault. No one should have to suffer threats of violence or worse because of what they wear, how much skin they show, or how unusual they look. Diversity is beautiful. The human body is beautiful and worthy of respect and awe.

Dressing differently, even sexually or scantily is not basis for torment or assault. It is artistic and brave and awesome and as someone who gave it up because of all the criticism, I must also say that it is damn difficult. There is a reason that kids dress like the group they hang out with - it makes it easier. I didn't have anyone to match with, and neither did Kiki.

I guess the last thing I wanted to say was that with all this talk about Bin Laden and Obama and the Tea Party and a few months ago all that mess with Jessi Slaughter... I just wanted to speak out against the hate and the shame and the ugliness. I know it doesn't seem connected. Maybe it's not. But can we try to be nicer to each other?

I know this note is disjointed, but I have a lot on my mind and I wanted to bungle my way through this to try and get it all out. I appreciate your thoughts, but please be respectful and sensitive to others in your comments.

Peace, love and strawberries.