The procedure went really well on Friday. The only really bad part(s) - the shot of numbing solution, because I hate needles; feeling a jarring jolt of electricity when the machine shocked me; feeling all shaky when they gave me a second shot of epinephrine to stop the bleeding. I started crying when they almost done because of nerves, but it really wasn't that bad. The Xanax helped.
Having mom here this weekend was nice. We spent most of our time together playing video games on our laptops - she had Farmville and I had The Sims 2. But we also watched some highlights from Buffy - I had her watch Hush, Once More With Feeling, and The Body - and we also watched Repo! The Genetic Opera, after she commented on Giles' singing voice. She made me some wonderful blueberry cobbler, and I was very happy to get the chance to spend some time with her.
Poncho and I signed up for Gevalia coffee when our coffee-maker died last week. We have been rabidly enjoying the abundance of chocolate raspberry coffee that came in our first shipment. Yummm.
I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism recently and have started taking meds to help with that. Apparently the depression, the lack of energy, the dry skin, the weird changes in appetite... all the symptoms I had been attributing to quitting cigarettes are due - at least in part - to this condition and should start to dissipate now that I'm medicated.
Here's to a brighter, healthier tomorrow.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Saturday, October 9, 2010
My Yahooligan
So you told me to sign on to Yahoo! messenger to see the notes you left me all day and it was so sweet I decided to share the love. Thanks, baby.
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5:56 PM
10/8
My butt hurts. Your chair really sucks.
6:06 PM
I love you
7:24 PM
You're cute.
7:24 PM
I love you.
7:24 PM
Like a bunch.
8:21 PM
Hey, hey...
8:21 PM
I love you.
8:28 PM
Could you possibly grab me a Dew?
8:32 PM
Are you getting my IM's?
8:39 PM
Miss.
8:39 PM
Love.
8:39 PM
Precious.
9:15 PM
Auto In. No Calls. 30 Seconds.
9:15 PM
I must have broken a record.
9:21 PM
LOVE.
9:21 PM
Miss.
9:21 PM
So much.
9:21 PM
Little sweet.
9:22 PM
You look so happy today.
9:22 PM
Like a great weight has lifted from your sweet little shoulders.
9:22 PM
I love to see you when you're happy, little angel.
9:22 PM
I am so proud of you.
9:22 PM
You are so strong.
9:22 PM
You're inspiring.
9:23 PM
I love you with every inch of me, body, mind, heart, and soul.
9:23 PM
I admire and cherish you.
9:23 PM
I don't know what I would do, where I would be, without you.
9:58 PM
(Space)
9:59 PM
That was GRUESOME.
9:59 PM
I just had two back-to-back calls over 15 minutes.
10:14 PM
This is driving me nuts. There was another. My talk time is AWFUL. PLEASE, I beg them, STOP TALKING! THAT'S ENOUGH! Don't ask me to check 9 different e-mails under 3 different spellings of two last names for two people to put holds on your account.
10:15 PM
...yeeesh...
10:17 PM
I miss you.
10:17 PM
I want to be in there, laughing with you.
10:17 PM
I love you, dearest darling
10:17 PM
I love you.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Fall In
Autumn is upon us. It's getting colder. I have to wear my hoodie in the house now, and I closed all the windows. I guess I should probably move the window A/C unit to its storage position for the next several months, but well - as silly and cliche as it sounds, I don't want to break another nail.
(I ripped my right hand, middle fingernail the other morning trying to close a window, and it's one of those deep down rips that you can't really cut off like you would a normal hangnail. I got nail glue and gave myself a manicure earlier tonight to tempt myself away from messing with it. It was driving me crazy, all rough and poking out like that. Now it's smooth and hidden away under two coats of Choco-latte Complete Salon Manicure by Sally Henson. It's pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. And I do, say so myself. I'm usually not very good at manicures. I tend to get the polish all over everything - my cuticles, my clothes, any nearby furniture...)
And besides that, I can barely lift the damn thing. It's really heavy.
So apart from being colder lately, I guess I don't have a whole lot to report. I'm not really looking forward to Halloween this year, since I always always always smoke when I'm at parties and now that I'm going on 5 months, I really don't want to get drunk and bum smokes off of my friends. I don't have a cool costume, just doing the nurse thing and Poncho has his doctor costume to match. But yeah.
I've been jonesing for a cigarette sooooo badly today. It started when I bought a Magic Hat Brewing Co. multipack with a bunch of cool seasonal beers. Drinking makes me crave smoking so much. I guess it's 'cause I don't drink much... I haven't had a chance to develop new associations like I did with driving and talking on the phone and coffee.
Poncho is calling from work.
I love that boy so damn much.
Where was I? Bitching about breaking nails and cold weather, it looks like. Moving on.
We're trying to get the at-home agent thing set up. Charter is go. We have the phones the company gave us, and the headsets and everything. The only delay is due to the fact that the internet is not acknowledging the phones. Poo. IT is going to have to come out to our house and fix it. Maybe we can set that up Monday.
My LEEP procedure is this week. I have meds for anxiety and meds for pain and I'm nervous but I really just want to get it over with. My mom is coming for the weekend and I'm really looking forward to that, even though there's a good likelihood that I'll be pretty much unconscious while she's here.
I have the day off tomorrow, and so does Poncho. I can't remember that last day we had off together. I'm so excited. I want to do something special, but I can't think of anything that we can really afford. We have beer and movies here, so we'll probably just stay in. I feel bad, being a shut-in... I just can't afford to go out and do things. Especially with all the dough we had to spend to get this work-at-home thing set up. And I've missed a lot of work due to sickness. Next month should be better. I'm hoping we can go out to eat again soon. It's so much fun to go on dates.
No matter what else may be wrong in my life, Poncho is going right. It makes all the difference to go through this with my partner. I still feel crappy sometimes, but he brings me out of my head for a while. Which is nice. It's noisy up there.
(I ripped my right hand, middle fingernail the other morning trying to close a window, and it's one of those deep down rips that you can't really cut off like you would a normal hangnail. I got nail glue and gave myself a manicure earlier tonight to tempt myself away from messing with it. It was driving me crazy, all rough and poking out like that. Now it's smooth and hidden away under two coats of Choco-latte Complete Salon Manicure by Sally Henson. It's pretty spiffy if I do say so myself. And I do, say so myself. I'm usually not very good at manicures. I tend to get the polish all over everything - my cuticles, my clothes, any nearby furniture...)
And besides that, I can barely lift the damn thing. It's really heavy.
So apart from being colder lately, I guess I don't have a whole lot to report. I'm not really looking forward to Halloween this year, since I always always always smoke when I'm at parties and now that I'm going on 5 months, I really don't want to get drunk and bum smokes off of my friends. I don't have a cool costume, just doing the nurse thing and Poncho has his doctor costume to match. But yeah.
I've been jonesing for a cigarette sooooo badly today. It started when I bought a Magic Hat Brewing Co. multipack with a bunch of cool seasonal beers. Drinking makes me crave smoking so much. I guess it's 'cause I don't drink much... I haven't had a chance to develop new associations like I did with driving and talking on the phone and coffee.
Poncho is calling from work.
I love that boy so damn much.
Where was I? Bitching about breaking nails and cold weather, it looks like. Moving on.
We're trying to get the at-home agent thing set up. Charter is go. We have the phones the company gave us, and the headsets and everything. The only delay is due to the fact that the internet is not acknowledging the phones. Poo. IT is going to have to come out to our house and fix it. Maybe we can set that up Monday.
My LEEP procedure is this week. I have meds for anxiety and meds for pain and I'm nervous but I really just want to get it over with. My mom is coming for the weekend and I'm really looking forward to that, even though there's a good likelihood that I'll be pretty much unconscious while she's here.
I have the day off tomorrow, and so does Poncho. I can't remember that last day we had off together. I'm so excited. I want to do something special, but I can't think of anything that we can really afford. We have beer and movies here, so we'll probably just stay in. I feel bad, being a shut-in... I just can't afford to go out and do things. Especially with all the dough we had to spend to get this work-at-home thing set up. And I've missed a lot of work due to sickness. Next month should be better. I'm hoping we can go out to eat again soon. It's so much fun to go on dates.
No matter what else may be wrong in my life, Poncho is going right. It makes all the difference to go through this with my partner. I still feel crappy sometimes, but he brings me out of my head for a while. Which is nice. It's noisy up there.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Re-Ruptured
Second ruptured ovarian cyst in two months. Good news: knew what it was this time around, didn't think I was dying. Bad news: we were in Madison County visiting Poncho's fam at the time and I hadn't brought any of my uber-painkillers. Lemme tell ya, Advil doesn't cut it. I was hunched over unable to walk up right for most of the night. It threw me way out of whack mentally and emotionally, too.
Freaked me out to feel that weak and incapacitated. I mean, I'm still weak and recovering from all my other ailments and sicknesses. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday morning to see how many more of them there are. Thursday I have some breathing tests to determine whether or not I need to take some sort of preventative treatment for my asthma/allergy issues. I have some sort of follow-up appointment with my nurse practitioner about my blood-work next week on Wednesday. And to top it all off, I have my LEEP procedure scheduled for October 8th.
I hate my body. Damn thing breaks down and gives up on me after a measly 24 years of crappy service. There is nothing more frustrating than feeling useless and powerless and weak when you're used to being the opposite of that. I haven't been up for anything lately. Not housework, or cooking real meals, or make-up or anything. I feel so tired and used up. I hate this. Even this journal entry is exhausting to pump out. You know things are bad when you don't have the energy to play video games... I can't even bring myself to play WoW most days.
I just feel so broken.
Freaked me out to feel that weak and incapacitated. I mean, I'm still weak and recovering from all my other ailments and sicknesses. I have an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday morning to see how many more of them there are. Thursday I have some breathing tests to determine whether or not I need to take some sort of preventative treatment for my asthma/allergy issues. I have some sort of follow-up appointment with my nurse practitioner about my blood-work next week on Wednesday. And to top it all off, I have my LEEP procedure scheduled for October 8th.
I hate my body. Damn thing breaks down and gives up on me after a measly 24 years of crappy service. There is nothing more frustrating than feeling useless and powerless and weak when you're used to being the opposite of that. I haven't been up for anything lately. Not housework, or cooking real meals, or make-up or anything. I feel so tired and used up. I hate this. Even this journal entry is exhausting to pump out. You know things are bad when you don't have the energy to play video games... I can't even bring myself to play WoW most days.
I just feel so broken.
Saturday, September 4, 2010
New Layout
Thought I'd spruce up the old blog with a bit of new personality. It fits my idea of 'me' better now, I think. Green, alive, healthy, grown-up - not in the 'I'm-so-old' sense, but in the mature sense. Flourishing. Like the trees in the background. Sure, autumn comes around and knocks me on my ass for a few months every year, but I'm right back to blossoming and nurturing and self-growth in the spring.
I'm feeling much better, by the way. Went to the doctor on Wednesday, got medicine and spent a few days in bed. Poncho was a care-taker babykins and I couldn't have gotten along without him. Love you, dearest.
My friend Hannah's wedding is this weekend. I wish I could be there with all my heart. I wish her and her husband-to-be all the best in the world. I look to you as a shining example of love in these often-dark times. Go team.
Well, dear-heart just got back from work and it's high time I got ready for bed. I think I've spent enough time gallivanting around on the interwebs for tonight.
Ta.
I'm feeling much better, by the way. Went to the doctor on Wednesday, got medicine and spent a few days in bed. Poncho was a care-taker babykins and I couldn't have gotten along without him. Love you, dearest.
My friend Hannah's wedding is this weekend. I wish I could be there with all my heart. I wish her and her husband-to-be all the best in the world. I look to you as a shining example of love in these often-dark times. Go team.
Well, dear-heart just got back from work and it's high time I got ready for bed. I think I've spent enough time gallivanting around on the interwebs for tonight.
Ta.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
In Sickness and In Health
Home sick today. Pretty sure I have what Patrick and Emily had this weekend when we were all at dad's cabin.
Sneezing, coughing, sore throat, mild fever, shivers, dizziness, ear-ache, sinus pressure, runny nose.... Oooh boy! What fun.
I made it through work last night, mostly on will-power. It also helped that I thought it was "just allergies" for the majority of the day. Until my throat started to hurt and I wanted to drill holes in my head just to relieve the pressure.
So, no work today. Loaded up on Nyquil and decongestants. My nose is raw from using too many tissues... This sucks.
Sneezing, coughing, sore throat, mild fever, shivers, dizziness, ear-ache, sinus pressure, runny nose.... Oooh boy! What fun.
I made it through work last night, mostly on will-power. It also helped that I thought it was "just allergies" for the majority of the day. Until my throat started to hurt and I wanted to drill holes in my head just to relieve the pressure.
So, no work today. Loaded up on Nyquil and decongestants. My nose is raw from using too many tissues... This sucks.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
That "New Home" Smell
My dad's mountain cabin retreat reeks of it. In a good way. Kind of. On the 1st floor and in the closets it's a little too chemical-smelling for my tastes. But the air outside! It's heavenly. And it's so green! We went hiking and saw two waterfalls and almost went kayaking and I learned that Native Americans bent saplings to show directions and we saw this great old cabin by some early settler and dad didn't hit his head on the low door-frame this time. Man. Good times.
Been looking at apartments. Found some great deals across the street from work. I think we're going to try to stay here and pay off my credit card though. ::sigh:: Just $2800 left. Only 4 months if I pay $800/mo. Whoo! That would put us out of here by December. I hope we don't get snow before that.
In the meantime, it's off to the gym and overtime and abstaining from cigarettes. Going on three months!
Wish me luck!
Been looking at apartments. Found some great deals across the street from work. I think we're going to try to stay here and pay off my credit card though. ::sigh:: Just $2800 left. Only 4 months if I pay $800/mo. Whoo! That would put us out of here by December. I hope we don't get snow before that.
In the meantime, it's off to the gym and overtime and abstaining from cigarettes. Going on three months!
Wish me luck!
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