At a loss for words (A Poem)

I'm at a loss
For words

Feeling pressure
Bubbling up
Boiling over
Acidic memories
Like heartburn
Tearing up my chest

I'm at a loss

Choking up the context
Gnawing on the tough gristle
Chewing out my insides
Just trying to describe
The way it was
And how it felt

I'm at a loss

Driven by this burning need
To express

But I don't have words
They crumble into apathetic dust
At my eager fingertips
Blown away by my sighs
Into swirling patterns of remorse
Guilt-ridden and destroyed
By my bitter tears
Drowned out by the deafening silence
Of a noiseless scream

Mouthing one word

"No"

I was at a loss
When it happened
I couldn't find my breath
I couldn't find the words
They slipped
Around the corners of my tongue
Like a liquid
Burning the cracks
In my chapped lips

Now, I find the word
That eluded me
I speak it through tears
Choked sobs
In the night
With my arms out
Screaming
Begging

NO

No

no

Even now
When there are no
Bumps in the night
No drunken slobs
To fear

Even now
When I am safe
I still cry out
I still feel the pain
Of that silent space
Between my lips

I was at a loss
For words


©2010 ~strawberry-goodness