New Year's Resolution

I have decided that I want to emulate Anita Blake for the New Year. I will sign up for self defense classes, hit the gym, and learn how to shoot. I'm pretty excited about this decision. I hope it leads to self efficacy and badassery. And cute supernatural boyfriends. That would be pretty cool as well.

I See You - A Poem

I know you notice

I see you stare

I feel your presence

I know you're there

I wish you knew

I hope you care

What goes on beneath this coiffed up hair

The thinking starts

And hope departs

But comes again

When you walk in

So sad but true

That when I'm blue

A smile from you...

I'm long past due.

Adoring, true

But more, it's you

It's you

So sad, but true

I need your rapture

I want that pain

That heartache I get when I think your name

I wish for strength

I wish in vain

That awkward space behind the reins

I feel it tug

I feel in vain

I long for something

To start again

That voice talking

Say my name

And I know you notice

I see you stare

And I feel your presence

I know you're there

I just wish you knew

And I hope you care

What goes on inside this outerwear

The shaking starts

And strength departs

But comes again

When you walk in

So sad but true

It's you, it's you

And when I'm down

And you come around...

I feel brand new

So sad but true

What's more, it's true

It's you, it's you

So sad, but true

It's you

So I want to say it

Right out loud

I want to say it

And say it proud

But I know it's stupid

And I know this crowd

Won't play that game,

But all the same

I want to say it

Right out loud

I long for something

Soft like rain

I long for something

To start again

I long for kisses

And tender pain

The kind that blesses

The kind that stains

I long for something

That's so much more,

Than you'd ever give me

Than what's in store

But I feel your presence

And I love your name

And I smile whenever I see you again

And my stomach flutters

With anxious stutters

Whenever you speak

And remember my name

I'm enroped,

Entangled

In this silly lovegame

I see you seeing me

Blushing now, looking down

I know you know it

Hiding now, I'm hiding now

But you could see through it

If you wanted to

I want you to

Want you too

That part of me

That part of me

That wants you, see?

Wants you to be

With me...

So badly

I wish you knew

So I could stop pretending

Not to care

Stop charades and meet you there

Halfway

Between your house and mine

Halfway

Before the sun shines

What goes on inside this freckled mind

I'm not fine

I'm not fine

I stare,

I stare

And wish you were there

Wish you were there

For me to stare

'Cause I know you notice

Me, over here

And I feel your presence

When you're over there

And I wonder, too

What it's like for you

What goes on beneath that beauty, rare

What goes on beyond that lovely stare

And do you miss me

Whenever I'm not there?

'Cause I know you notice

I see you stare

I feel your presence

I know you're there

I wish you knew

I hope you care

But I know for sure,

That there's nothing there.

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness

Tiers of Tears - A Poem

These are not tears over rejection
The many layers of affection
Or the lost connection

These are tears of embarrassing,
Mumbling
Never-mind-me
Didn't say anything...
Tears hot like blushing
Burning
Crush-ing

These are tears of a lifetime
Of being outcast,
outranked and outclassed

These are tears of knowing
I'm not up to the task

And I wish I could play it cool
Because you're right,
And I'm such an overzealous fool

But it's too late now

And these tears can't be undone
Or rewound
But I'm undone
And unwound
Like a spool of tangled thread
Falling apart to a new rhythm
Of choking sobs and bitterness

And I should have known
I should have known

But these are not tears of rejection
Abandon

These are tears of shame
Tears of knowing,
I'll never be able to play that game

©2011 ~strawberry-goodness