Friday, April 30, 2010

Things and Stuff

I was just outside and it is GORGEOUS out there. 77 degrees and sunny as all get out. Yay! While I was outside, I started thinking about all the stuff that I would love to do in this beautiful weather. I started compiling a mental list, and thought I'd post it so I can reference back to it later.

Tuesday, May 4th The Aquabats! are playing at Cat's Cradle in Carrboro, NC. It's $17/ticket the day of the show, and my friend Guy is trying to orchestrate a big bus trip to go see them. I'd have to get gas money together to get to Greensboro and back, and put away enough for food and such while we're out and about. But man, oh man. I would love to go.

Friday, May 7th at 7pm, my friend Will is putting on a recital in Winston-Salem, NC. I would love to go and show my support, but even more than that - I would just love to see the kid. I haven't seen Will since High School.

Patrick's summer vacation is coming up, and his classes let out in mid-May. I'd love to be able to go visit him some in Athens, GA so we can soak up the sun together. It's been ages since I've seen him. I miss him terribly.

My mom's birthday is coming up in June, on Wednesday the 16th. I'd like to be able to hang out with her that day. Even just for a quick visit. I miss spending time with my family.

Father's Day is Sunday, June 20th, and I would really like to do something with my dad this year to celebrate. We've been doing so much better as of late than we normally do, and I know it really hurt his feelings last year when I couldn't make it down that weekend.

My dad's birthday is Thursday, July 1st, and I would again, really like to make it down to do something fun for that. Or at least remember to send him a nice card.

Grandfather Mountain Highland Games, in Boone, NC Thursday, July 8th - Sunday, July 11th. I don't remember how much this is. But I would love to go. I haven't been in so long.

SUUSI 2010, held at Radford University's campus in Radford, VA during the week of July 18th - July 24th. It's approximately $500 per person, so in order for me and Poncho to both go I would need to save up at least a thousand.

Now I feel really broke and desolate.


Today's Agenda

I have the day off today and my agenda is as follows: take one strawberry-scented shower (check), apply one strawberry facial masque (check), consume two blueberry poptarts (check), check interwebs (check), play Sims 2, clean one bathroom sink, clean one shower/tub, cook one scrumptious dinner, hug one adorable Poncho upon his return home from work.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Nine O'clock Call-in

I got to sleep in today, an extra hour and a half. I usually get up by 7am at the latest, and have to be out the door by 7:45am to be clocked in at Cornerstone on time. I slept until 8:45am today and it was marvelous. I feel lazy and groggy and wonderful. I have on my fluffy slippers and matching robe and it is going to be a good day.

Poncho is at work all day, going through rigorous training for customer service and product knowledge for his new job. I'll miss his presence around the house today, but I am so very glad he has a job to be away from me for. It's such a relief to me for us to both have jobs now. I'm so grateful.

Whatever powers may be out there in the cosmic void, praise be and thank you.

This month, with my new job, I was able to pay off $600 on my one remaining credit card balance (now resting at $4000). I hope to continue making $600 payments on it every month, and at that rate, I'll be free of the damn thing in 6 months. What a lovely idea. Then there's my 2 student loans, and Poncho's 1 student loan to take care of. But they've got such lower interest rates attached to them. And when we get back into school, they're deffer payments until gradation. So I'm not as concerned with them as I am with the credit card. What a good feeling, to pay off debt. I love it.

I feel so hopeful and like I'm moving forward again. Hooray!

I was on call this morning, in case the restaurant needed me. But they didn't, and everyone showed up and they're not super slammed or anything. So today is going to be a day of rest and relaxation and rejuvenation. I think I'll start by playing some Sims 2.

Peace, love, and strawberries.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Cookie: My Anti-Drug

Instead of going outside, I will write another entry.

Cookie is now in Radford, Virginia. He is with his owner, my ex, Russell. Russell is staying at his parents' house until he moves again to Ohio, where he begins graduate school in the fall.

I got to see them both the day they left town, a week ago. Cookie was all agitated. His cage was gone, and all packed up in Russell's car. He just kept slipping and sliding all over the hard-wood floor of Russell's room as he dug through what little remained for my trace belongings. Poncho at my side, we all three stood there awkwardly and made pathetic attempts at small-talk while Cookie growled and nibbled at our feet and pant legs.

I remember how tiny he was when we got him from the pet store. He's the brown one in the pink thing in the middle.

I will miss that little bugger.

I remember how much he loved to play in the clothes hamper. I have a picture of that, too.

Goodbye, Cookie. I will probably never see you again. I will always love you, dear one. You were my favorite pet, even now when you are no longer mine. I will remember you always. I hope you are happy in Cincinnati. I hope you get as much attention as you want and all the veggies you can eat that you can comfortably hold in your adorable little bunny tummy. I miss you so much. I hope you miss me, too.

Okay. *Now* I'm going to have that cigarette.

Negative Associations

I forget how painful knowledge can be. I'm so curious, and the desire to *know* is just so strong...

I see a reference to an ex in a friend's status, and it makes me wonder what they're up to after all this time. Curiosity killed the cat? Well, I'm not dead. But I do feel sick to my stomach. I found out that Daniel is having a baby with his wife. I already knew he was married. He's been married for a while. But I wasn't prepared for a baby. Poor baby. He's not cut out for parenthood and I'm seriously sickened by the thought of him bringing life into the world. He's a pathological liar for god's sake. Ugh.

So what do I do to get my mind off that most unpleasant news? I start Facebook searching Russell again. I do it periodically. He hasn't even shown up in my search results for a year now, since he blocked me when we split up last year. It's like a nervous tick. I did it with Jay, too, for a long time with the same result. But she recently un-blocked me. Didn't add me, but un-blocked me. Sent me a random-ass message about make-up school. Odd, seeing as how we hadn't been on speaking terms at all for the better part of a year. Bizarre, when you take into account the fact that Jay graduated from UNC-A last year as a Sociology major and spewed nothing but dry, regurgitated facts from scholarly sources at you in conversation. Make-up, Jay? Really?? Tres you, dearest. Tres you.

Russell un-blocked me recently. Not sure when. He showed up in my search results today and I skimmed through his neglected profile. What little was visible to me, anyway. I deleted some old picture comments that made my stomach turn with talk of love from our relationship days, and then decided I'd had enough.

I made a mad dash for my next distraction:


Whereupon I looked up his dA profile and read his recently posted poetry and felt a bit better. Smug, even. He's miserable. As per usual. Depression is just status quo for Russell. And I'm well off. So I'm smug.

But yeah, it was just such a strange experience. All the mixed emotions. I feel sick. I really want a cigarette. I want to be angry. I feel defensive and ready for a fight. I feel all tense. My shoulders hurt. And my neck. My hands are shaking. I'm biting my lip and chewing on my nails and cuticles.

I think it's just all the negative memories. All the horrible things I associate with them. With Jay, Russell and Daniel. Such dark times in my life were spent with them. They hurt me. I hurt them. It was just bad all around.

I think I'm going to go have a smoke. I hope the rain stopped.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Lost and Found

I lost my foundation at twelve.
My heart at fourteen.
My virginity at seventeen.
My wisdom teeth at eighteen.
My independence at nineteen.
My sanity at twenty.

At twenty-two,
I lost my faith.

And at twenty-two,
I met you.

At twenty-three,
I have found these three:



Lost to me
Before you loved me

And now,
I have found what I never had to lose:



For the future

Because now,
The future is worth waiting for.


It's really quite nice to work in the food industry again. I'm relieved to have a job at all, much less one with full-time hours, bountiful tips, a hardworking team of dedicated co-workers, and a lovely work ethic. So basically - I'm thrilled.

Cornerstone Restaurant is a local establishment that's been here in Asheville for 15 years. Lisa, the server who trained me, has been serving there for 9 years. The newest server apart from myself has been there for 2 years.

It's owned by a Greek family. Mama - yes, we really call her that - makes all the homemade desserts in the kitchen. Dean is her son, and the actual owner, and he's super nice. Mama is adorable, standing a whopping 5-foot-nothing, and speaks with a thick Greek accent. She's a morning person.

It's refreshing to take pride in my place of work. The entire facility is super clean, and well-run, and just fantastic. I'm not at all appalled by the behind-the-scenes aspect like I am with other restaurants. The food is fresh not frozen, made-to-order, and affordable. Huge portions. I give out to-go boxes like they're going out of style. Our coffee and iced tea tastes better than any of the of the other eateries out there because we clean everything so thoroughly and so often, which includes the tea urns and coffee makers.

Every day of the week has a special side-work in addition to greeting and serving patrons, and your normal side-work, which is based on the order in which you arrived to work. I'm usually last in, so I get the Dressing Cooler, all the dressings, the condiments, and their associated shelves for cleaning and whatnot. I also have to sweep the Line before I leave, and clean my tables as usual.

Mondays are Booth Day, which means that we take the booths apart and wipe them down and wipe down every inch of the tables and chairs. Every week we do this. It's amazing. No other restaurant does this. And you can tell, man. It's gross.

Tuesdays are Blinds, Lamps and Ceiling Fans Day. We wipe all those things down, as well as dust everything we can get our hands on.

Wednesdays are Clean-the-Line Day. We literally clean the hell out of the Server's Line. You should see it, it's incredible. Scrubbing, sweeping, mopping, everything moved out of it's typical place so you can get behind it and under it. Every week.

Spic and span. I love it.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

April Fools Day

I didn't do anything today. I feel ashamed and now afraid of what that means tomorrow will be like - my last day of training.

I played the Sims and watched movies and had a very nice in depth heart to heart chat with Poncho, and now I feel miserable and overwhelmed.

And to top it all off, Laura called and told us that she spoke to the landowner and they aren't going to allow a house rabbit. And get this - they actually tried to sell me on a hutch rabbit system. They want me to keep my pet outside. Hell no. If it was a cat or a dog, that would be considered negligence. I feel insulted. After all the time I spent telling them about the difference between the home environment and its effects on rabbits, versus the effects of living in a hutch outdoors. It cuts years off their lives! It's ridiculous. Never. I will simply not get a bunny if I can't give it the proper accommodations.

But I'm still upset about it. I was hoping for a furry companion to be joining our home sometime soon, and now that that isn't going to happen and I don't have that to look forward to anymore, I feel so dismal.


Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and they'll call back and tell me it was a joke, and that we can really have a bunny. That they already bought us one, as a present for being such great tenants. Yeah. Maybe.